there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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