You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
