if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
