I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
