She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
