I think I died a long time ago.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
