It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
