He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
