what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
