Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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