How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
