you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
