Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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