I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont even know how to be here
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
