it wasn't lemon gatorade
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Panties = found
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
