I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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