Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize