Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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