I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
