return my video game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
