Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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