Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize