mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He passed out mid-signature
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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