evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
