just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
