I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
