I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
