Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
