I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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