Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
