Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
