it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
