I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
