After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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