member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
