I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
