Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
