Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
