New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
