whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
