He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
