Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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