wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
