You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize