Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
