That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
