Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize