Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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