theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
