just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
