I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
