Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
