found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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