I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
