Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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