Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
