we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
be right there i have to get my cape
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
