I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
