And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
