God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
