I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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