Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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