I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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