He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
