my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
